wishiknewwho: (TARDIS love)
[personal profile] wishiknewwho
Title: A Love Like Ours
Author: wishiknewwho
Rating: M
Characters: Ten / Rose
Dislcaimer: I don't own Doctor Who and it's probably just as well that I don't because it'd be nothing but hugs and hair ruffling for the foreseeable future.  Title and summary taken from "Thieves" by She and Him. 
Spoilers: Set during Series 2 after The Age of Steel. 
Summary: "And I know and you know it too, that a love like ours is terrible news."
Beta:  Big thanks to [livejournal.com profile] salimali and [livejournal.com profile] nipplemuggins for being excited about this and promising me that it did not suck.  They are amazing.
Author Notes: Angst, let me introduce you to fan.  You're going to be seeing a lot of each other in this story.  This idea stemmed from a "what if?" that popped into my head while I was thinking about Miles to Go.  It has nothing to do with Miles to Go, though.  There will be no Kira here.  However, it is babyfic, so if that's not your thing, you might want to skip this one.  Also, it's not as fluffy as Miles.  And in this chapter I have altered Rose's waitress dress to suit plot purposes.  There.  That might be the biggest disclaimer ever.  On to the story.

Rose tugged her boots off and hastily rolled her tights down her legs, leaving them both in a pile on her floor. She twisted her arms behind her, trying to unbutton the dress of her maid’s uniform. She sighed in frustration, tears pricking at the corners of her eyes; she just wanted the thing off and she hoped to never see it again.
She’d just managed the first button when two soft knocks at her door stilled her.
“Rose?” The Doctor’s voice was gentle, hesitant.
She swallowed, not wanting him to know she was on the verge of crying. “Yeah?” she said, hoping her voice sounded normal.
“We’ve landed,” he said, still outside the door. “Come on out once you’re ready.”
Rose pressed her hand to her forehead. She didn’t want to go anywhere. She just wanted a few hours to herself, maybe a whole day if she was being honest, time to sleep and then mope around her room for a little while before facing the universe. But he wouldn’t want that. With him it was always go, go, go, on to the next adventure, forget what’s happened in the past.
She got herself under control and managed a quiet “okay,” as she continued to struggle with her dress.
It was silent for a moment, but she could still sense his presence outside her door. Shaking her head, she decided to ignore him. She got her fingers on the button and was just about to slip it through the hole when she lost her grip.
“Shit,” she cursed, sinking to her bed and cradling her head in her hands. She took a deep breath, pushing the tears back, willing them not to spill over onto her cheeks.
“Are you all right, Rose?” the Doctor asked.
“I’m fine,” she said, sucking in another ragged breath.
“I’m coming in.” The door opened slowly and Rose wiped at her burning eyes. His eyes landed on hers, and he came to kneel in front of her, taking one of her hands in his own. “Oh, Rose.”
His words were so soft, so heartfelt, she couldn’t help it. The tears streamed from her eyes and she gave in to the sobs. He gathered her to him, his arms solid and strong around her waist, and she pressed her face into his neck, clutched at the collar of his shirt, and cried.
He held her tightly and whispered words of comfort to her. He told her that everything would be okay and assured her over and over that he was there. After a few minutes, she relaxed in his arms and she took a couple of shuddering breaths as the crying subsided.
“Thank you,” she said, pulling back.
His eyes glowed warmly at her as he wiped away her tears with his thumbs. “Are you going to be okay?” he asked.
“Yeah,” she said. She plucked at the stubborn dress and let out an embarrassed giggle. “Well, I will be if I can get this off.” 
“I can help you with that,” he said. Although his tone was innocent, she couldn’t help the blush that flooded her cheeks at the implication of his words. He stood up and moved behind her.
She felt her breath catch as his fingers brushed her back as he flicked open the remaining buttons.
“There,” he said, still close enough that she could feel the warmth of his breath on her skin.
She stuttered out a “thanks” and he gave her hair a gentle tug before getting up and leaving. 
“I’ll see you in a bit,” he said as he closed the door behind him.
She exhaled slowly. She’d meant to tell him that she didn’t want to go anywhere just yet, to ask him if he minded waiting just a few hours, but he’d distracted her and she’d forgotten. She pulled the dress over her head, glad to be free of it. She decided to have a long bath, and then see where he’d landed them.
She did feel better after she’d had a long soak in the bath and changed into her own clothes. She felt more like herself, like maybe she could face things again. She resolutely went to the console room; if he wanted to go somewhere, she’d go. She just hoped he wasn’t throwing them into another adventure so soon.
She found him sitting on the captain’s chair, staring into the rotor, his eyes and thoughts a million miles away. He started when she got close to him.
“Hello,” he said. He looked at her, those faraway thoughts from before gone from his eyes. “Are you ready?”
She thought about asking him to stay, but he looked so earnest that she didn’t have the heart. She nodded.
He grabbed her hand and pulled her towards the door. When they reached it, he stopped, allowing her to go first. She glanced back at him, wondering what he was doing, but he just gave her an encouraging nod and gestured for her to go on.
She opened the door slowly, and stepping out, realised that they’d landed in her mum’s living room. She glanced back at the Doctor with a grateful expression, and then rushed into her mother’s arms, letting the tears overtake her again.
She could hear her mother and the Doctor talking, but she didn’t pay attention to what they were saying. She held her mother tightly, and let herself be comforted. It felt so good to be home.
Rose eventually pulled away from Jackie and followed her into the kitchen so that Jackie could make tea. The Doctor caught her eye, his features concerned, but she gave him a little nod, letting him know that she would be all right. He smiled, and went back to the TARDIS, seeming to know without her telling him that she needed some time alone with her mum.
Once Jackie had made the tea, they settled down in the living room. Rose wrapped her hands around her mug, letting the warmth seep through the china to her skin. She told her mother about the parallel universe, about meeting the alternate versions of Jackie and Pete, about losing them and Mickey. She sipped her tea and let Jackie brush her hair back from her face as she cried. 
She didn’t tell her mother about meeting Sarah Jane or about the Doctor leaving her for Reinette. With everything else that she was feeling, she didn’t think she could deal with those emotions as well.
It was so nice to be home. It was good to see her mother, to reassure herself that she was okay and that she loved her. 
“Well, I’m glad he brought you back here,” Jackie said when Rose had finished her tale. “The things you’ve seen, sweetheart.” She shook her head in disbelief.
Rose put her tea on the coffee table and snuggled back into the sofa. “It’s...most of the time it’s the most amazing things. I love travelling with him. But this was so...” Her voice tailed off as she couldn’t find the words.
“It was personal,” Jackie said, filling in for her. “It’s harder to detach when it’s something like that.”
Rose nodded her agreement. “Every time I close my eyes, I see you dying, Mum.”
Jackie put down her own tea and wrapped her arms tightly around Rose. “But I didn’t, sweetheart. I’m your mother, and that wasn’t me.”
“I know,” Rose said. And she did know. But that didn’t make it any easier.
After a bit, they settled in and watched telly. It was nothing exciting, nothing special, but it was exactly what Rose needed after the day she’d had. She silently thanked the Doctor for knowing her better than she knew herself.



Rose decided to spend the night at her mother’s. She’d come to think of the TARDIS as her home, but after the day she’d had, she wanted the comfort and familiarity of the place where she’d grown up.
She and her mother had stayed up late talking, and the Doctor hadn’t shown up again. She bade Jackie goodnight and got herself settled in her old room. She found a pair of old pyjamas that she hadn’t worn in over a year, but they smelled like the inside of her dresser and she found herself soothed.
She crept out of her bedroom to check on the TARDIS. It was still there. She didn’t think he would leave her, not permanently anyway, but she’d thought he might go off while she spent some time with her mum. The thought that he’d stayed warmed her heart.
She went back to her room and slipped between the soft sheets that her mother always kept freshly washed, just in case she showed up unannounced. She realised as she was drifting off to sleep that she didn’t appreciate her mother enough, that she didn’t show her how much she meant to her. She vowed to change that at her first opportunity.
The click of her bedroom door opening pulled Rose from slumber. She blinked in the darkness, her eyes slowly adjusting to the light as she made out the shadowy figure of the Doctor in the slivers of moonlight coming through her window. He kicked her dresser, his trainer making a slapping noise against the wood, and he cursed softly.
“Doctor?” she asked as he neared her bed.
“Hi,” he said quietly, lowering himself to sit on the edge. His hand sought out hers where it rested on the pillow.
“Hey,” she returned. She rolled over to face him better, but the silence hung awkwardly between them. He rubbed his finger absently over the back of her hand and she shivered as if the gesture was much more intimate than it actually was.
“How are you feeling?” he finally asked.
She pushed herself up to sitting. “Better,” she replied. “Thank you for bringing me here.”
He nodded once and ran his free hand through his hair. “You know, Rose,” he started, his voice dying off. “You know that I will bring you back here anytime you want.”
She wondered what he meant by that, if he meant that he was willing to let her go.
His fingers tightened their grip and he went on hurriedly. “I’m not trying to get rid of you. I’m just saying, if it ever gets to be too much, you can return here. For as long as you need.”
“Thank you,” she said. She was touched that he was willing to do that for her.
“Okay,” he said. “I guess I should go.” He motioned to the door behind him, but made no move to get up. He leaned forward, his lips touching her forehead in a light kiss. The gesture wasn’t something new; he’d kissed her like that plenty of times, but the way he lingered, the way he pressed his nose into her hair and inhaled made it different. His hand came up to caress her cheekbone and she let out her breath slowly. “Rose.” Her name whispered across his lips.
He pulled back a few centimetres and their eyes met. He looked at her, his gaze penetrating, searching for something in her eyes. She wasn’t sure how to convey what she was feeling, how to give him permission to do as he wanted. He must have seen it, though, because he leaned in and kissed her softly, his lips barely touching hers. He pulled back again, and tired of his tentativeness, she wound her fingers in the hair at the back of his neck and drew him back to her.
He kissed her, really kissed her, his mouth firm as his bottom lip worked its way between hers. She let her lips fall open, her tongue touching his, urging him inside her mouth. He sighed softly and explored her mouth.
The feel of his lips and tongue against hers made her almost dizzy and she fell back to the bed. Her fingers wrapped around his tie as she pulled him down with her.
The movement startled him, and he steadied himself on his hands, his dark eyes searching hers out.  “Is this okay?” he asked.
“Yes,” she said, smiling as his body settled over hers.
He kissed her again, his lips leaving her mouth to press soft kisses to her cheeks and neck. She sighed and tipped her head back, giving him access. His lips wandered down the column of her throat and mapped out her chest, stopping just centimetres from the top of her breast. Her mind was racing with thoughts, wondering what this would mean and how things would be between them tomorrow. But she pushed those thoughts away. She would take what he was giving her now and deal with the consequences later.
His hands hovered at the hem of her camisole. “May I?” he asked.
“Yes,” she replied again. “You may do whatever you like.” If she didn’t stop him, he’d ask at each new line he wanted to cross. Surely he had to know by now that she was willing to give him everything, that she would give him anything that he wanted from her.
His eyes met hers again and something passed between them, all the words they couldn’t or wouldn’t say. It wasn’t that she didn’t want to say them, but she knew that he was not ready to hear them and so she decided to wait. There were other ways for her to show him what he meant to her.
He lifted the camisole, inching it up her body and she rose up so that he could get it over her head. He stared for a moment, his eyes roaming over newly revealed skin, and she felt herself flush under his gaze. She pulled him down to her again, and his lips went to her breasts.
She tried to calm down by telling herself over and over that it was really happening, that the Doctor was really in her bed, and he was about to make love to her. She threaded her fingers into his hair, holding him close to her as he delicately explored her breasts. He found a particularly sensitive spot and she cried out.
He pulled back, his eyes sparkling with mischief. “You’ll have to be quiet,” he said, “or you’ll wake your mum.” He pressed his index finger to her lips.
She nodded and kissed his finger. She wanted to say something back, something clever or flirty, but she could barely remember her own name with him touching her the way he was.
He gave her another warning look, and then stood up. He loosened his tie and pulled it over his head. She sat up and helped him undo the buttons on his shirt, her starting at the bottom and him at the top, their fingers meeting in the middle. He shrugged it off his arms and it fell to the floor with a rustle. She kissed his stomach, enjoying the way his muscles tightened under her mouth.
His hand moved to the back of her head, guiding her as she kissed him. After a few moments, he gently pulled her away. He unclasped his trousers and pushed them and his pants to the floor. She flushed again as he stood naked before her, but she didn’t look away from him. He was gorgeous, just as she’d imagined he would be. She leaned forward, wanting to take him in her mouth, but he stopped her.
He knelt down next to her on the bed and kissed her again. He put his hand behind her back and guided her to lie down. His fingers slipped under the waistband of her pyjama bottoms and at her nod pushed them down, taking her knickers with them. His eyes swept over her body, but unlike before, he didn’t linger. Instead, he draped himself over her, his thighs fitting between her parted legs. She arched up against him, and he closed his eyes.
His lips found her ear. “Are you sure about this, Rose?”
“I’m sure,” she breathed, her voice catching as he touched her, his fingers teasing her in the most delicious way. She had to touch him too and her hand worked its way between them. He shuddered at her touch, and she loved that she could have that effect on him, that she could make him lose control. He moved her hand away and adjusted himself, bringing her leg up and over his hip. He looked at her one last time before he entered her and his eyes fell shut.
They were still for a moment. He pressed his face into her neck and took slow, deep breaths. She held him to her. He felt so good above her, inside of her, that she didn’t want it to end.
But they had to move eventually. He pulled back and pushed in, again and again, and she met him each time, biting her lip to keep from crying out. When it got to be too much for them, he leaned down and kissed her, swallowing her gasps and filling her mouth with his own.
He came, and his soft cries into her shoulder were enough to push her over the edge with him. She clutched at his back, the pleasure almost too much to bear. He panted her name, the whisper against her skin enough to bring tears to her eyes. She blinked them back as he moved away from her. He wrapped her tightly in his arms as he settled down on the bed, tucking her into his side. She wrapped herself around him, as if she would be enough to keep him there. He didn’t say anything as his fingers slipped through her hair, the motion lulling her to sleep.
When she woke the next morning, he was gone. 


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January 2012

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