wishiknewwho: (TARDIS love)
[personal profile] wishiknewwho
Title: A Love Like Ours
Author: wishiknewwho
Rating: M
Characters: Ten / Rose
Dislcaimer: I don't own Doctor Who and it's probably just as well that I don't because it'd be nothing but hugs and hair ruffling for the foreseeable future.  Title and summary taken from "Thieves" by She and Him. 
Spoilers: Set during Series 2 after The Age of Steel. 
Summary: "And I know and you know it too, that a love like ours is terrible news."
Beta:Big thanks to [livejournal.com profile] salimali and [livejournal.com profile] nipplemuggins. They are the best betas in the world.



From the moment he saw her face, her gorgeous features all back where they should be and lifted her into his arms, he knew that it would happen again. They didn’t leave immediately. She wanted to join in with the party going on in the street, and he couldn’t deny her anything, not after he’d just almost lost her.
 
He watched her as she spoke to Tommy, full of admiration when she encouraged him to make amends with his father. Her compassion, her ability to know what others needed was just one of the many reasons he cared so much for her. He clinked his glass against hers and it took everything he had not to kiss the smile from her face then and there.
 
As dusk settled over the neighbourhood, he took her hand and together they returned to the TARDIS. Things had been somewhat strained between them since their time at her mother’s flat, but the easiness that had once been there was finally settling back into place. He still caught her looking at him with sad eyes from time to time and he was still cautious about touching her, but for the most part they were back to normal.
 
He told himself that he should be happy about it, that what had happened could have put an impossible gulf between them, but they had made their way through it and kept their friendship intact. Instead, he thought about how her lips had felt against his, the soft way she sighed when his hand touched her bare shoulder. He thought about her smile, the light in her eyes when she was learning something new. With each day that passed, it took more and more effort to resist her.
 
He let them into the TARDIS and Rose kicked off her shoes. She’d probably leave them where they were on the grating for days, until his complaining finally got through and she’d take them to her room. Somehow she’d inveigled herself into his life and made herself right at home on his ship, more than any other companion who had come before her. And surprisingly, he realised that he didn’t mind at all. Just the sight of her jacket flung over the captain’s chair made him feel less lonely, reminded him that he wasn’t alone on his big ship, wasn’t alone in the universe.
 
Rose stretched, and his eye was drawn to her waist then up the length of her arms. “It really takes it out of you, having your face disappear,” she said, laughing.
 
“Don’t joke about that,” he said, his voice catching.
 
She looked at him, startled. “I’m sorry,” she said softly. “I didn’t mean anything by it.”
 
His gaze held hers. “I know you didn’t,” he said, pushing his hands back through his hair, messing up his pompadour. “It’s just...I was so worried. I didn’t know if I’d be able to save you, Rose.”
 
“Oh.” The word rushed from her mouth, as if she was surprised that he’d been so concerned. Surely she had to know how much she meant to him, that he would do nearly anything to save her.
 
He turned away from her, his hands going to the controls and sending them into the vortex. He could feel her hovering behind him, as if she was deciding whether she should come closer and touch him or keep her distance. He didn’t know what he wanted her to do. He swallowed thickly. “I didn’t like seeing you like that,” he said finally, quietly. “It was you, but it wasn’t. Everything I...you were gone.” He looked down at the console, refusing to look up at her. He was afraid of what he might see in her eyes, and what it might make him do.
 
“I’m sorry,” she said again. “I’m so sorry I scared you.” She put a cautious hand on his forearm and he exhaled. Her touch burned and comforted at the same time.
 
“Just don’t...don’t do it again,” he said, and she nodded, although they both knew it wasn’t her fault and they both knew it wasn’t the last time that he would fear for her life.
 
“I’m going to have a shower,” she said, starting to move away from him.
 
“Rose, wait,” he said, his hand covering hers on his arm, holding her in place. 
 
She stopped, but looked up at him inquisitively.
 
“I’m sorry, too,” he said, searching for something to say. He wasn’t ready for her to leave him just yet. As long as she was with him and he could see her face, he could reassure himself that she was okay. But he knew that the second she was out of his sight, he’d be haunted by the image of her without her face. “I should’ve protected you better.”
 
Her hand tightened and her eyes found his, pinning him with a gaze that wouldn’t let him look away. “Don’t blame yourself,” she said, her voice full of conviction. “It wasn’t your fault. It just happened.”
 
He shook his head stubbornly. “No, Rose. You are my responsibility. I have to keep you safe.”
 
Her eyes blazed at that. “What do you mean ‘your responsibility?’ Is that what you think of me as? Because if you do, Doctor, then let me tell you-“ He could see her gearing up for a fight.
 
“Rose,” he said softly. “Rose. That’s not what I meant. Well, I did, but not how it came out. I don’t see you like that; you are so much more than that. But I do have to protect you, because if something happened to you, I couldn’t...” The babbling came to a halt, the momentum not enough to carry him through to a confession that had the potential to change everything between them. He knew all too well that words, once said, were impossible to take back.
 
She looked like she wanted to ask him a question; he could see it on the tip of her tongue. She would ask him and he would wind up saying too much, because she had this way of pulling the truth from him and there would be no going back for them. And he needed that, more than he wanted to admit, but he also needed to pretend that nothing was happening between them. Otherwise he would wind up opening himself up to so much hurt and he’d be setting Rose up for danger and hurting of her own.
 
Before she could speak and set them on a path of certain destruction, he turned her towards him and swallowed her unsaid words with a kiss. She hesitated for a moment, her mouth unmoving under his, and he panicked, wondering what it meant. Did she no longer want him or was she refusing to let him evade her questions?
 
But after a few tense seconds, her lips began to move in tandem with his and her tongue slipped inside his mouth. He moved his hands to grip her waist and hers clutched at the back of his jacket as he pressed her up against the console. How many times had he imagined this exact scene?
 
She pulled her lips away, gasping for breath and he busied himself at her neck, breathing in the scent of her skin, his tongue reacquainting him with the taste of her. His hand slid up, splayed in the middle of her back, supporting her as she tipped her head back. His lips mapped out the skin of her neck and then her chest, his fingers pulling down the zip of her jacket to give him room. She encouraged him on with soft little sighs and exhalations and her fingers buried themselves in his hair, holding him to her.
 
He pulled her around, lifting her up to sit on the captain’s chair, enjoying the rustle of her dress as she moved her leg to wrap it around him. He imagined making love to her in the chair, her arms and legs wrapped around him as he moved inside of her. His hand went to her leg, his fingers moving behind her knee, and she giggled.
 
“That tickles,” she said as he pulled back to see what was wrong. She was looking up at him so earnestly, her heart in her eyes, everything she felt about him right there for him to see. That was the thing about Rose; she couldn’t hide her feelings. She deserved so much more than him; he would only hurt her, would teach her to lock her feelings away and mistrust others. He would take everything that was good and sweet and perfect about her and he would ruin it.
 
But he didn’t know how to stop himself.
 
He kissed her again with his hands holding her face, forcing himself to take his time, to show her how precious she was to him with the whisper of his lips against hers. He kissed her with everything he felt, his lips pressing the words he couldn’t say into her mouth. He helped her down from the chair and she looked at him quizzically.
 
“Not in here,” he said. As much as he wanted to take her there, he knew that she deserved better from him, and if he couldn’t give her everything she wanted, he would at least try to give her what he could. He wound their fingers together and led her toward the corridors, stopping only when something occurred to him. She bumped into him, and he caught her. “Is this what you want, Rose?” he asked.
 
“Yes,” she said without hesitation. And there was her heart on her sleeve again, her eyes telling him that she wanted nothing more than him, that she would take what he was willing to give her.
 
He swallowed down his fear and self-hatred and led her to her bedroom. He opened the door to the room he’d been in hundreds of times, waking her up to head out on another adventure, finding her late at night to give her a cup of tea when she couldn’t sleep, and that one time she’d talked him into painting her toenails for her. It should have been as familiar to him as any other room in his ship, but tonight it felt different and new, like he’d never been in there before.
 
He took in the soft pink of her sheets and the dark pink duvet and the thought of her laid out against them moved him forward. He pulled her zip the rest of the way down and she shrugged the jacket off her shoulders, letting it fall carelessly to the floor. He took off his own jacket, and his lips returned to her chest as she began work on his tie and shirt.
 
He nudged the strap from one of her shoulders, revelling in her little shudder as he touched her in a particularly sensitive spot. He fumbled around at the back of her dress until he found a zip and then lowered it slowly. Her skin was warm underneath the fabric and she shivered at his cool hands on her skin.
 
They undressed each other slowly, stopping to press kisses to each other’s skin. Her lips felt like fire against him, warming him to his core. He dropped to his knees, rolling her fishnets down her legs and nuzzling his nose into her stomach. He stood back up and guided her to lie on the bed. He could feel himself losing control, and it took everything he had not to drown himself in her.
 
She pulled him down with her, and then pushed gently at his shoulders until he was lying on his back. She rolled over, rising up above him, her hair spilling down all around him. He looked up at her, taken in by how gorgeous she was, how good she felt against him, how he’d never let her go if he had his choice. 
 
But it was never his choice.
 
She moved down his body, kissing him in a pattern known only to her, managing to pull embarrassing gasps from his throat as she found places that had him arching up off the bed.
 
“Rose, please,” he said. He’d never been one for begging, but the words felt right. She had him in the palm of her hand.
 
She tipped her head up, her lips stretching into a cheeky grin, and then she took him in her mouth without giving him a bit of warning. He cried out again, but forced his hips to stay still. Her lips and tongue began to move, and he fisted the sheets. She felt so perfect, so warm, so much more than he ever even imagined. He made it for about a minute and a half before he had to gently push her away, lest things end far too soon.
 
“Was it,” she started, looking down with flushed cheeks. “Was it okay?” She got the words out, but her eyes didn’t meet his.
 
He reached up and tilted her chin until she was looking at him. “It was perfect,” he said. “Almost too perfect.” He grinned and she giggled.
 
“Do you still want to?” she asked, gesturing between them.
 
He nodded and wound his fingers in her hair, bringing her to him for a kiss. His hips arched up against her, and she moaned softly, the vibration of her mouth setting off little tingles in his lips. “Are you ready?” he asked.
 
She didn’t answer, just kissed him deeply and moved against him, her actions telling him how much she wanted him. She reached down and got him into position and then lowered herself on him, taking him inside, her eyes shut tightly and her lip between her teeth in concentration. His mouth fell open; she felt even better than he remembered. She didn’t move for a moment, her hands closing and opening against his shoulders as he fought to be still.
 
He opened his eyes to see her looking at him, an open expression still on her face. And that’s just what she was: open, willing to give him all of herself, so much more than he would ever deserve. She reached down and found his hand, pressing her palm tightly to his and winding their fingers together. He closed his eyes again and let himself get lost in her.
 
She began to move then, pulling him along with her, her hands clenching tighter and tighter on his shoulders. He touched her breasts, pulled her down for soft kisses, urging her on because he knew that he wouldn’t last much longer. He whispered her name, over and over, interspersed with words of how beautiful she was, how he wanted her safe, how he would protect her from anything that wished her harm. He knew that it wasn’t what she wanted to hear from him, but it was enough, and moments later, she was coming, her eyes locked with his.
 
The feel of her around him, the look in her eyes, was enough to push him over the edge, and he fell, spiralling into his orgasm as she held him tightly, her breath warm against his neck. He murmured her name and pulled her closer, breathing deeply as he calmed himself down.
 

It was a while before either of them moved, and when they did, it was only slightly, just enough for Rose to move to his side where he tucked her under his arm. He kept telling himself that he was going to get up, that he’d leave just after she’d fallen asleep, but instead he lay there, holding her close, basking in her warmth and her arms around him until he drifted off to sleep.



Four




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January 2012

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