Miles to Go: Two (Rose's POV)

[wishiknewwho]

Title: Miles to Go
Author: wishiknewwho
Rating: PG
Warning: AF for Angst that Will be Fixed (Seriously, parts of this are gonna make Both look like fluff) Characters: Ten / Rose, OC
Dislcaimer: I don't own Doctor Who and it's probably just as well that I don't because it'd be nothing but hugs and hair ruffling for the foreseeable future.
Spoilers: None really. This is set before Doomsday even.
Summary: And it's all here for you, as long as you choose to stay. It's all here for you, as long as you don't fly away.
Author Notes: This story is the result of many things, but primarily too many rotations of the Death Cab for Cutie album Narrow Stairs, an album about the claustrophobia of growing up and the comfort of giving in, at least to me anyway. All song lyrics are from there.Beta'ed by the incomparable salimali and electrictoes. They are made of win.

This was written for corusca, who designed the lovely icon and banner for this story. She asked for a retelling of chapter two from Rose's POV. I'm not sure this is fluffly enough, but I tried. Thank you for the amazing artwork!

The bouncing on her bed woke Rose early on a Saturday morning. She cocked one eye open to see Kira hovering over her. Kira was already dressed and it looked like she’d even tried to brush her hair.

 

“Get up,” Kira commanded, bouncing again.

 

Rose groaned. It was so early and her bed was nice and warm. “Do I have to?” she whined.

 

“Yes,” Kira said firmly. “You promised that we would go to the zoo today. And we have to go see Gran.”

 

Rose pulled the covers over her head and Kira giggled. She knelt down by her and wrestled with her for the blanket. Rose grabbed her and pulled her under the covers with her, tickling her until she was breathless. She loved these moments with her daughter, when the two of them could just relax and have fun, when she almost forgot all the sadness.

 

Kira shrieked with laughter and tried to strike back, her fingers attacking Rose’s sides. Rose screamed.

 

“Truce?” she asked, holding out a hand.

 

“Only if you get up,” Kira countered.

 

Rose nodded grudgingly. “Ten more minutes, though. Then I promise to get up.”

 

“Fine,” Kira said, snuggling down under the covers with her.

 

Rose cuddled Kira to her, enjoying a few minutes of quiet with her. She knew that things wouldn’t be like this forever, that before she knew it Kira would be grown and be too busy with her own life. But right now, everything was perfect. They were the centre of each other’s worlds.

 

She felt herself dozing again, enjoying the warmth under the blanket and the pale sunlight filtering in from the window, until Kira shook her back awake.

 

“Mum,” she said sternly. “You promised. Get up.”

 

“Okay, okay,” Rose grumbled. “When did you get to be so demanding?” She grinned at Kira.

 

“I’ve always been like this,” Kira said, hopping out of the bed with a bright smile.

 

Rose pulled her back to her for a quick hug. “Yes, you have. And I love you for it.”

 

Kira hugged her back, then pushed her towards the bathroom. “Go get dressed,” she said.

 

“All right, Mum,” Rose teased and Kira giggled again.

 

Rose took a quick shower and slipped on her weekend clothes, jeans and a t-shirt. Now that she had to wear all the trendy little outfits she used to love every day for work, she found herself thrilled on the days she didn’t have to worry so much about how she looked.

 

Kira was in the living room watching cartoons.

 

“What do you want for breakfast?” Rose asked.

 

Kira clicked off the telly and stood up. “Do we have to eat right now?” she asked. “I’m ready to leave.”

 

Rose grabbed her up and swung her over her shoulder. “Food first,” she said. “The zoo’s not going anywhere.”

 

“Put me down,” Kira said through the giggles.

 

“Not until you tell me what you want to eat,” Rose said, making her way to the kitchen.

 

She swung Kira around, making her squeal. Finally, Kira shouted out, “I’ll have cereal,” and Rose set her down. Kira grinned up at her. “Can we do that again?”

 

“Maybe later,” Rose said with a smile and set about making their breakfast.

 

They had bought Kira’s new Converse two days before, and the fight between them had been forgotten. They sat and ate breakfast, talking and joking as always. Rose was happy to have their lives back to normal, back to what she was used to.

 

Rose stepped out into the bright sunshine, wishing she’d thought to grab her sunglasses. She knew Kira would have a fit if she tried to go back upstairs, though, so she just decided to deal with it. 

 

Kira linked her arm through hers as they stepped out onto the pavement. “I’m so excited, Mum,” she said, her smile wide.

 

“Me, too,” Rose said, allowing herself to be pulled along. “What do you want to see first at the zoo?”

 

Kira looked thoughtful for a moment. “I don’t know,” she said. “There’s so much that I want to see. Definitely the penguins. And the elephants. Those two are my favourites. And, oh, the giraffes.”

 

Rose laughed. “How about we see everything?” she asked.

 

“I think that would be best,” Kira said knowledgably. 

 

Kira chattered all the way to the zoo, making plans for all the animals they would see. Rose listened to her fondly; her daughter was brilliant, and she might have his genes making her intelligent, but she, Rose Tyler, was responsible for how wonderful she’d turned out. She’d never thought she’d love anyone as much as she’d loved the Doctor, but everything had changed the moment Kira was placed in her arms.   

 

She paid for their tickets and they entered the zoo. She watched Kira as she lit up at all the possibilities around her. It certainly wasn’t her first trip, but it might as well have been for all the enthusiasm she was oozing. She felt a little pang of sadness as she thought about how much Kira would love the thrill of TARDIS travel, the wonder of stepping out onto a new planet with no idea as to what she would find beyond the doors of the ship. Kira would likely never get to experience that and it wasn’t fair.

 

Kira grabbed her hand and pulled her along. “Look, Mum, it’s the monkeys.” She picked up her pace and Rose struggled to keep up with her.

 

They went from exhibit to exhibit, taking their time with each animal. Kira studiously read each placard and then regaled Rose with facts about each animal. She knew that her daughter had a near-perfect memory; in two years, she’d bring up something she read today just like it happened yesterday.

 

The only attraction that neither of them liked was the reptile room. 

 

“It’s cold in here,” Kira said, shivering and moving closer to Rose.

 

“I feel like they’re all looking at me,” Rose said, putting her arms around Kira and try to avoid the shifty gaze of one of the snakes.

 

“Can we leave?” Kira asked timidly.

 

“Yes, please,” Rose said, ushering her back out into the sunshine. They smiled at each other once they were outside.

 

“I’m hungry,” Kira said.

 

“Me, too.” Rose took her hand in hers and they found a hot dog van. She got them each a hot dog and a coke. Rose slathered hers down with ketchup while Kira only put a thin line of mustard on hers. Rose watched her; he always fixed his hot dogs just like that, just another one of the million little ways that her daughter was just like him.

 

They found a table and sat down to eat. “Do you think you’re going to be able to eat all that?” Rose asked Kira, gesturing at the hot dog that was almost too big for her two little hands.

 

“Yes,” Kira said, her mouth full.

 

Rose grinned at her. “It’ll surprise me if you do.” 

 

Kira gave her leg a little kick and Rose gave her a shocked look. Kira shrugged.

 

They finished eating their hot dogs, Rose giving Kira a teasing smirk when she couldn’t eat all of hers. 

 

“Can we go to the park now?” Kira asked.

 

“Of course,” Rose said, taking Kira’s hand in hers. “This is your day. We can do whatever you want. But we do have to visit Gran in a little while.”

 

“Okay,” Kira said.

 

They made the short walk to the park, enjoying the sunshine and one of the last warm days before the chill of autumn. Rose saw that the park was full of children and she recognized a couple of them from Kira’s school.

 

“I’m going to go sit on that bench while you play,” she said, gesturing behind her.

 

Kira shook her head and grabbed Rose’s hand. “I want you to come and play with me.”

 

“But there’s all those kids out there for you to play with, Kira,” Rose said, gently pulling her hand from Kira’s. “You don’t want to play with your mum.”

 

“I do want to play with you,” Kira insisted. “We always have fun when we play together.”

 

“I know we do,” Rose said, not wanting to hurt her feelings. “But you need to start playing with kids your own age more often. Those girls over there look like they’re having fun, and I bet they’d let you join them.” She pointed to a group of girls about the same age as Kira who were playing near the climbing frame.

 

Kira shook her head again. “I don’t want to play with them.” She looked close to tears. “I just want to play with you, Mummy. And you said I could do whatever I wanted today.”

 

Rose gave up, her shoulders slumping slightly. “All right, love,” she said, pulling Kira to her for a tight hug. “Don’t cry. I’ll push you on the swings.” She didn’t know what to do with her daughter, didn’t know how to make her more like a normal child. Maybe she should take her to see someone; maybe it was something she couldn’t fix on her own.

 

When she pulled away, Kira gave Rose a watery smile. Rose took her hand and led her slowly to the swings. Kira sat down and Rose held her hands over hers on the chain. She kissed the top of her head. 

 

“Are you ready?” Rose asked.

 

Kira nodded. “Push me high, please.”

 

“Of course,” Rose said, giving her a grin and a good push. Kira squealed and kicked her legs out in front of her as if she was trying to touch the sky. Rose met her each time she came back, but her mind was a thousand miles away.

 

She wondered about him often, wondered where he was and what he was doing. She wondered if he thought about them. Perhaps he was light years away on some alien planet, thinking about her and Kira, just like she was thinking about him. He might never know Kira, how amazing she was, how she had such a capacity to love, how her mind worked at a million miles a minute. Whether he knew it or not, he would have loved her. Despite everything he’d done to her, she felt sorry that he would miss that.

 

Kira looked back at her and smiled. “This is fun. I feel like I’m flying.”

 

Rose quickly grinned back at her, hoping she hadn’t caught her frown. “You are flying, love.”

 

She knew that she had to get things together. It had been seven years and she couldn’t spend the rest of her life missing him. Her issues were affecting Kira, making her unable to form relationships with others. She was too dependent on her daughter, and she worried what might happen to Kira if she didn’t learn to let her go. The only problem was she didn’t know how to get over him.

 

After a little while longer, she checked her watch. They needed to leave soon if they were going to make it to Jackie’s on time. She halted the swing.

 

“Just a little bit longer, Mum?” Kira asked, turning pleading brown eyes on her.

 

Rose shook her head. “We need to head toward Gran’s. You know how she gets if we’re late.”

 

Kira pouted a little, but did as she was told, getting off the swing and sliding her hand into Rose’s. She let Rose lead her from the park. They were quiet on the way to Jackie’s, both of them lost in their own thoughts. When they reached the flat, Kira stretched up and rang the bell.

 

“About time you two showed up,” Jackie said as she opened the door.

 

“Gran!” Kira exclaimed, running to Jackie’s arms.

 

“Hi, sweetheart,” Jackie said, hefting Kira up. “Ooh, you’re getting almost too heavy for me to lift.” 

 

“No I’m not, Gran,” Kira said, laughing at the silly look on Jackie’s face. Jackie had helped Rose a lot, especially while Kira was small and Rose had to work. The two of them had grown close over the years.

 

“Hi, Mum,” Rose said, pressing a kiss to Jackie’s cheek. 

 

Jackie led them into the flat, setting Kira on the floor in the living room. “You can watch telly if you want, but don’t you dare take it apart,” she told her with a warning glance.

 

“Yes, Gran,” Kira said, moving to sit in front of the television.

 

Rose watched her for a moment then followed her mother into the kitchen. 

 

“I’m just going to put on some water for some tea,” Jackie said, filling the kettle with water.

 

“What happened to your electric?” Rose asked, nodding toward the red kettle Jackie was using; it was one she hadn’t seen in ages.

 

“It’s broken,” Jackie said, setting the kettle on the hob. She took down three mugs and put the tea bags in. “What have you and my granddaughter been up to today?”

 

“Went to the zoo. And the park,” Rose answered. She searched around in the cabinet for some biscuits for Kira.

 

“How’s she doing then?” Jackie asked, nodding towards the living room. “Have you talked to her teacher lately?”

 

Rose shook her head. “Not since a couple of weeks ago. But I got to school early the other day and saw her in the playground.”

 

Jackie grabbed a couple of plates and set them on the table. “Go on.”

 

Rose bit her lip. “She was all alone, Mum. I mean, I knew what her teacher had told me, but to see her out there, all the other kids playing. It hurt.”

 

“How did she seem?” Jackie asked. “Was she upset?”

 

Rose fiddled with one of the teabags. “I guess not. She just seemed so lonely, playing by herself. Why don’t the other kids take notice of her?” Rose wished there was at least one child for her daughter that would see how great she was. Surely in the whole class there was one kid that would play with her.

 

Jackie came over and put her hand on Rose’s arm. “We know that she’s brilliant, sweetheart. But kids can be cruel. And you have to admit that Kira’s interests are different than theirs.”

 

Rose nodded. “I know. I just wish that things were different.”

 

Jackie squeezed her shoulder one last time then moved away. “We’re given what we’re given and we have to deal with it.” She removed the kettle from the hob and poured the water in the mugs.

 

Rose knew that she wasn’t just talking about Kira. She stared at the tea for a moment, thinking. She and Kira were stuck in a stasis, waiting for something that was never going to happen. She had to get them moving forward, and she had to do it soon.

 

“Kira, come get your tea,” she called, resigned to get their lives back on track as soon as possible.

 

They left Jackie’s a few hours later, both of them tired. Kira leaned heavily against Rose, and she wrapped an arm around her. They needed to get a few groceries; they were out of milk, tea, and cereal. Rose pulled her inside the Spar by their flat. “We’ll only be a few moments,” she promised when she saw Kira’s frown. She grabbed a trolley and lifted Kira into the basket. 

 

“Can I pick out the cereal?” Kira asked, leaning back.

 

Rose threaded her fingers through her sleepy daughter’s hair. “Of course.” 

 

They made their way up and down the aisles, picking out the things they needed and then stepped back outside, Rose carrying several bags and Kira carrying one. Out on the pavement, Rose could have sworn she saw something, a flash of brown, but she blinked and it was gone. She wrote it off as her eyes playing tricks on her in the dark.

 

She and Kira made their way back to their flat, dropping the shopping on the table. She put the milk in the fridge and left the rest of it for tomorrow. She made them each a bowl of cereal and they settled down to eat it in front of the telly. She gave Kira a bath, then snuggled down with her in the bed.

 

“Did you have a good day, love?” she asked, rubbing her palm in small circles over Kira’s back.

 

“The best,” Kira said, smiling sleepily at her.

 

Rose smiled, too. They whispered plans to each other about a trip they planned to take next summer, a short holiday to the beach, Rose rubbing Kira’s back until she fell asleep. She eased herself out of the bed, pausing for a moment to make sure that Kira would stay asleep.   

 

She made her way to the living room and looked outside the wide open window, the one that she never pulled the curtain over. She found herself wondering again if he ever thought about them. She could imagine him there with her, sidling up behind her and wrapping his arms around her waist, pulling her firmly against him as they both tilted their heads up to see what few stars they could beyond the city lights. She placed her palm to the cool glass for a moment, lost in her imagination, then switched off the lamp and went to bed alone.



Three