Miles to Go: Three

[wishiknewwho]

Title: Miles to Go
Author: wishiknewwho 
Rating: PG  (for now)
Warning: AF for Angst that Will be Fixed (Seriously, parts of this are gonna make Both look like fluff)
Characters: Ten / Rose, OC 
Dislcaimer: I don't own Doctor Who and it's probably just as well that I don't because it'd be nothing but hugs and hair ruffling for the foreseeable future.
Spoilers: None really.  This is set before Doomsday even.
Summary: And it's all here for you, as long as you choose to stay.  It's all here for you, as long as you don't fly away.
Author Notes: This story is the result of many things, but primarily too many rotations of the Death Cab for Cutie album Narrow Stairs, an album about the claustrophobia of growing up and the comfort of giving in, at least to me anyway.  All song lyrics are from there.

Beta-ed by salimali , electrictoes , and tardismate .  They give me the warm fuzzies.

The lovely banner and icon were made by corusca .  She is made of win.

 

When your heart was dying fast and you didn’t know what to do

“Cath”

 

Rose placed the carefully folded shirts in a neat stack, passing a practiced hand over the top one to smooth out the wrinkles. It was the third time she’d straightened them that day, but she was sure it wouldn’t be the last.

 

“I’m heading to the back,” Abby, one of the girls who worked with her said and Rose nodded.

 

She managed a fancy little boutique, a job that was certainly a step up from the last she had held, but it was neither the job she wanted nor the life she’d imagined for herself. Of course, before she met a man who travelled the universe in a blue box, the job would have been ideal, her dream career. But now that she knew what else was out there, now that she knew how much good she could do, working in a shop seemed so small.

 

Angry didn’t begin to describe how she felt about him, and although she wanted her old life back more than anything, she wasn’t sure she’d take him up on it if he offered. 

 

The little bell on the door of the shop rang and she heard the slap of rubber soles against the tiled floor. She looked up to see Kira running inside, Jackie following a few steps behind.

 

“Mum,” Kira said, coming to give her a hug. “Gran bought me ice cream. I ate it on the way here.”

 

Rose looked down at the chocolate ring around her daughter’s mouth. “I see that. Was it good?”

 

Kira nodded.

 

“Hello, sweetheart,” Jackie called. She’d wandered off to look at some of the new arrivals.

 

“Hi,” Rose called back. She lifted Kira onto the counter and went behind it to get a wet wipe for her face. She wiped the chocolate from her mouth and then her hands. “Did you have a nice day at school?”

 

Kira nodded. “Miss Wilder says that I’m one of the smartest kids she’s ever seen.”

 

Rose smiled. “Of course you are. You’re my daughter, aren’t you?” 

 

“Can I sort the hangers?” Kira asked, bumping her trainers against the wood.

 

The noise caught Rose’s attention and she looked down at her daughter’s black Converse.  They were, as usual, untied. Sighing, she leaned over and tied them, knotting each bow into a double knot. “Do these ever stay tied?” she asked Kira, shaking her head at her messy little girl. “And yes, you may sort the hangers. If you do a good job, I’ll give you a pound coin for your piggy bank.”

 

“Excellent.” Kira beamed. “I’m saving up for a new tool kit.”

 

Rose gave her a quick peck on the nose and helped her hop down from the counter. Once she got Kira settled with the big box of hangers that they removed from the clothes they sold, she made her way over to Jackie.

 

Jackie was flipping through a rack of blouses. “Hi, sweetheart,” she said absently. “Do you know if you have this in my size in the back?”

 

Rose shrugged. “I’ll have to check. Thanks for picking her up today. Sasha’s been out a lot lately. I may have to ask her to leave.”

 

Jackie hummed noncommittally and moved on to the trousers that matched the blouse she wanted. “How do you think these would look on me?” she asked, holding up a pair. She didn’t wait for an answer. “Kira talked to me today.”

 

“What about?” Rose asked, her hands going to a rack of jeans. She began to arrange them in size order.

 

“Said the two of you fought the other day. Over her new shoes.” Jackie returned the trousers to the rack. 

 

“Yeah, it was silly,” Rose said, hoping her mother wouldn’t press the issue.

 

Of course Jackie did. “She said you’ve been quiet lately, and kind of sad. I know what’s going on, love.” She turned to Rose, looking at her.

 

Rose kept her eyes focused on the jeans in front of her. “What do you think is going on?”

 

“She’s going to be like him, you know. She can’t be all you. He’s part of her, and she’s going to do things that remind you of him all the time. There’s going to be days when you’ll swear there’s none of you there at all. And it hurts, believe me, sweetheart, I know that it hurts. But you can’t let that shut you down.” Jackie placed her hand over Rose’s, stilling it against the rack.

 

Rose felt her eyes fill with tears. “I don’t know how to get over him, Mum.”

 

Jackie pulled her into a hug then, and Rose let her tears fall. She hated crying, but it had been a bad couple of days. Ever since she’d bought Kira the shoes, he’d been on her mind. She hated him so much, but that didn’t stop her from loving him all the same.

 

“It’s going to get better,” Jackie murmured.

 

Rose pulled back a little. “When? It’s been almost seven years. I think if it was going to get better, it would have by now.”

 

Jackie frowned. “I could murder that bloody alien for what he did to you.”

 

Rose choked out a laugh. “Believe me, if I ever see him again, it’s high on my list of things to do.”

 

“Mum?”

 

Rose and Jackie moved away from each other, Rose surreptitiously wiping her eyes. “Hi, love. Did you finish with those hangers already?”

 

“Why are you crying?” Kira demanded, her little mouth curving into a frown.

 

“I just had a bad day,” Rose said. “Gran was making me feel better.”

 

Kira watched her for a moment, her gaze suspicious.  Rose wondered where her daughter got the uncanny ability to always know when she was lying.

 

“I don’t like it when you cry,” Kira said.

 

“Then no more crying, yeah?” Rose said. “We’ll do something fun tonight. Maybe get a film or something.”

 

“Okay.” Kira’s voice was still reluctant. Rose knew she had to get herself together. It wasn’t good for her daughter to see her like this.

 

“Why don’t you go back to sorting those hangers?” Rose said, running her hand over Kira’s hair. “You’ve got to earn that pound before we leave.”

 

Kira nodded and went back to her work.

 

“You need to talk to her,” Jackie said, once Kira was out of earshot. “She needs to know what’s going on. She needs to know about him.”

 

“I know, Mum,” Rose said, her voice strained. She was growing weary of this discussion.

 

“I’m not sure you do,” Jackie said. “She’s getting older, Rose. You can’t keep pretending that he doesn’t exist.”

 

Rose slammed the hanger back down on the rack, the metal against metal ringing out in the quiet shop, and grabbed for the next pair of jeans. “I know,” she whispered fiercely. “It’s just, I can barely think of him without falling apart. And what am I supposed to tell her, anyway?”

 

Jackie eased the jeans from Rose’s death grip. “Just tell her the truth.”

 

Rose choked out a bitter laugh. “The truth? As in, her father’s a centuries-old alien with a fear of commitment?”

 

“Well, not in those words, no,” Jackie said, letting out a sigh of frustration. “But she needs to know where she comes from. Why she’s different. Maybe it will help her.”

 

“She’s not different,” Rose said, taking the jeans back. She’d been desperate when she found out she was pregnant. He had already left her, likely because he knew of the pregnancy, and she had no one to tell her anything about what a half-Time Lord baby might be like. But then Kira had been born with one heart, and other than an intelligence that far surpassed her peers, she seemed as human as could be.

 

“She is different, and you know it,” Jackie shot back. She flipped through the tops again, but she wasn’t really looking at them. “She doesn’t want to do anything with other kids. She takes apart anything she gets her hands on.”

 

Rose felt herself getting angry. She knew all of these things, knew that Kira was not quite like other children. That didn’t mean she liked hearing it from someone else, though. There was nothing she could say to argue. Finally, she settled for an old stand-by. “She’s my daughter and it’s my choice.” She crossed her arms and stood firm.

 

Jackie threw her hands up, but backed down. “Fine. I’m not trying to make you angry, you know. I’m just saying it because I care about her.”

 

“I know, Mum.” Rose rubbed at her eyes for a moment, willing the stress to leave her body. “I’m doing the best I can. I know it’s not always the right thing, but I’m trying.”

 

“I know you are, sweetheart,” Jackie said, her voice softening. “You are a good mum to her, whether you know it or not. She’s happy.” She looked back at the till where Kira was sorting hangers and singing to herself.

 

Rose nodded, but inside she wondered if that was true at all. How could her child be happy with this gaping hole where a father or at least a story of a father should be and a mother who was so lonely it was eating her up inside? She wasn’t setting a very good example.

 

~o~

 

Rose was quiet on their walk home that night. Kira made up for it, though, bouncing along next to her and telling her some story she’d made up about a squirrel and a duck who were friends. Her words were clever, her irreverent humour twisting and turning the plot. Rose smiled. The Doctor would have loved it. He would love their daughter, their magnificent little girl who carried the best things of her and the best things of him.

 

They reached their building.

 

“Oh look,” Kira said, stopping her story in mid-sentence.

 

A family was moving into the Wilsons’ flat, the one across the hallway from Rose and Kira’s. There was a man and a woman, both looking to be few years older than Rose and a little boy about the same age as Kira.

 

“Why don’t you go over and say hello?” Rose asked Kira, giving her a little nudge.

 

Kira’s mouth set in a line and she shook her head.

 

Rose was about to encourage her when the little boy ran up to them.

 

“Hi,” he said, holding out his hand in a gesture that made Rose smile at his formality. “My name is Ben.”

 

Kira stood there, eyes wide, unmoving. Rose pushed her forward. “Go on. Say hi.” She wondered where Kira got such reticence; it certainly wasn’t from her or her father.

 

Kira took two small steps and put her hand in Ben’s. They shook hands.

 

“What is your name?” Ben asked. “I’m just asking, because I saw you when we came to look at the flat. I don’t think you saw me, though. You were out in the garden. And I told my parents that we should move here because you looked like you’d make a good best friend. Would you like to be best friends?” He was a little breathless when he had finished.

 

Kira looked up at Rose, at a loss for what to do. Rose gave the little boy a smile. He had curly brown hair that was badly in need of a trim and dark blue eyes. He was friendly and outgoing and just what her daughter needed. “Go on, love,” she said to Kira. “Tell him your name.”

 

“My name is Kira,” she mumbled, looking at the ground.

 

“Kira.” Ben’s smile was wide. “That’s a cool name. Ben and Kira, best friends. What do you think?”

 

Kira regarded him warily. “Do you know how to use a screwdriver?”

 

Ben pushed his curls out of his eyes and cocked his head at her. “Of course I do. How else am I going to get things apart?”

 

Kira beamed at him. “Yes, I think we should be best friends.”

 

Rose gave Kira’s shoulder a little squeeze, then went to meet Ben’s parents, feeling better than she had all week.

 

~o~

 

Ben and Kira had holed themselves up in Kira’s room until past nine, when Ben’s parents had said it was time for him to go home. He said goodnight and promised to bring his own tools over as soon as his stuff was unpacked. Rose saw him across the hallway and then closed the door. She turned to Kira with a grin.

 

“So, you’ve got a friend now,” she said.

 

Kira rolled her eyes. “Best friend, Mum,” she said knowledgably, as if she and Ben had known each other for years and not just a few hours.

 

Rose nodded. “Oh, of course. He’s a nice boy.” She looked at Kira’s dirty hands and the smudge of grease on her cheek. “I think it’s into the bath for you.”

 

Kira frowned, but followed Rose as she led her down the hallway.

 

“Go and put your clothes in the laundry basket,” Rose told her and went into the bathroom to run the water.

 

Kira returned a few moments later and got into the bath. Rose sat down on the closed toilet seat and watched her bathe. 

 

“Ben is going to help me with my toaster project,” Kira said, playing with the bubbles that emerged from her sponge.

 

“Yeah?” Rose raised an eyebrow. She pointed at Kira’s face. “Don’t forget the smudge on your cheek.”

 

Kira dutifully scrubbed until all the dirt and grease was gone. All the while, she talked. It was Ben this and Ben that. It seemed they already had plans for every appliance in his house and hers. Rose wondered how many plasters she would need.

 

“Ben’s mum told me that he’s going to be attending your school,” Rose said, motioning for Kira to tilt her head back so that she could wash her hair.

 

“I know,” Kira said, closing her eyes. “Do you think he’ll be in my class?”

 

“I don’t know. We’ll keep our fingers crossed, yeah?” Rose worked the shampoo into Kira’s hair, hoping with everything she had that there was no grease in her daughter’s unruly locks.

 

“Ben promised that he’d play with me on the playground. He said he doesn’t like football.” Kira wrinkled her face as Rose rinsed the shampoo from her hair.

 

“That’s good.” Rose tapped her on the shoulder, letting her know she was finished. She reached to the hook on the wall and got down her towel. Kira stood up and she wrapped it around her, helping her out of the tub.

 

“Mum, do you think Ben and I will be friends forever?” she asked, shivering as Rose rubbed her hair with the towel.

 

Rose smiled. “Oh, I think you’ll be friends for a long time. Let’s get you into your jimjams. It’s almost time for bed.”

 

“Mum,” Kira whined. “I couldn’t possibly sleep. I need to draw up the plans for the toaster.”

 

Rose laughed and put her toothbrush in her hand. “You can do that tomorrow, after you’ve had your rest. Besides, I’m sure Ben wouldn’t want you to do it without him.”

 

Kira nodded thoughtfully. “I suppose you’re right,” she said.

 

“I suppose I am.” Rose pointed to the toothpaste. “You clean your teeth. I’m going to go turn down your covers.”

 

Rose went to Kira’s bedroom, frowning at the mess she and Ben had made. She’d have to talk to them about cleaning up. She pulled down the sheets on the bed and sat down. Kira returned moments later, her steps already a little slower. Rose knew the exhaustion would hit her soon.

 

“Come on, love,” Rose said, patting the bed next to her. “What story do you want tonight?”

 

Kira looked at the bookshelf with some disdain. “Could you make up one?”

 

Rose lifted an eyebrow. “I guess so. What do you want a story about?”

 

“Ben says that he likes space stories. I would like to hear a story about space.” Kira settled back against the pillow and looked at Rose expectantly. 

 

Rose felt her breath catch in her throat, then got her features under control. “All right then.” She pulled the blankets over Kira and smoothed them out over her shoulders. She lay down next to Kira and ran her fingers through her hair. “Once there was a girl who lived a boring life, going on day to day, never knowing what she was missing, until the day she met an alien who took her away in his clever spaceship that looked like an ordinary blue box.”

 

She paused for a moment, taking a deep breath, wondering if she could keep going.

 

“Did they have adventures?” Kira asked.

 

Rose smiled down at her and kissed her forehead. Yes, she could keep going. She would keep telling the story, and maybe one day she’d be able to tell Kira that it was actually her story, their story. “Oh, love, the adventures they had...”

 

~o~

 

“Mum. Mum. Mum?” Kira’s voice was insistent.

 

Rose turned over, half asleep. She felt someone shaking her.

 

“Mum!” Kira climbed onto the bed, her weight pressing down against Rose’s side. 

 

Rose opened her eyes, then realising that something was wrong, sat up. She grabbed Kira to keep her from falling. “What is it?” she asked.

 

“The spaceship,” Kira said. Her eyes were wide and almost glowing in the pale moonlight that filtered in from the window.

 

Rose looked at the clock. It was almost two in the morning. “What about the spaceship, love? Did you have a bad dream?”

 

Kira shook her head impatiently. “No. The spaceship from your story, the one that looked like a blue box, it’s here.”

 

Rose moved her back a little, needing some air. “What do you mean, it’s here? How do you know?”

 

“There was a loud whooshing sound. I heard it and went to my window. I saw the spaceship appear outside. It was just like you said.” Kira jumped down from the bed. “Come on, I’ll show you.”

 

“When did this happen?” Rose asked, pushing the covers back.

 

“Just a second ago. Come on!” Kira said, racing across the hallway.

 

Rose followed her into her room and over to the window. She glanced down at the street, and sure enough, there was the TARDIS, sitting there like it had been there forever. She put a hand to her heart and tried to slow down her breathing.

 

“Is the alien here for us, Mum?” Kira asked, her voice both afraid and excited.

 

Rose tried to find an answer, but she was cut off by an urgent knock at the door.


Four

Comments

[wiggiemomsi.livejournal.com]

"*demands next chapter*.... *DEMANDS LOUDER*"

Tsk, tsk! Writers of evil cliffhangers do not respond well to demands! Try bribery; a colorful icon, sweet words, works MUCH better!

*Hugs*

[caraskye.livejournal.com]

Wishiknewwho is in fact very scared of me. If I keep shouting, she'll cave.

*YELLS*

[wiggiemomsi.livejournal.com]

Hm-mmm ...

*thinks thinky thoughts*

Try a little bit louder?

Helps by sending *Big Scary Plot Bunny*

[wishiknewwho.livejournal.com]

OMG, now that is freaky. *too scared to write*

Plz to post the pretty...

[wishiknewwho.livejournal.com]

I will never cave! Never!

(Okay, maybe if Ten or Ten II or David Tennant asked me...but I doubt even you guys are that powerful.)

[wishiknewwho.livejournal.com]

Ahem.

You are aware that I can read this, right?

*pushes chapter back to Wednesday*

(just kidding)

[caraskye.livejournal.com]

you wouldn't dare *evil eyes*

[wishiknewwho.livejournal.com]

Don't tempt me. *evil-er eyes*

[wiggiemomsi.livejournal.com]

"You are aware that I can read this, right?"

I was kinda hoping you'd be amused, and let it pass??

*Cute, soft little kitty hugs*

[wishiknewwho.livejournal.com]

Oh, I am amused. I was totally just yanking your chain.

*kitty hugs back*