wishiknewwho | Miles to Go: Six

Title: Miles to Go
Author: wishiknewwho
Rating: PG-13 (for now)
Warning: AF for Angst that Will be Fixed (Seriously, parts of this are gonna make Both look like fluff)
Characters: Ten / Rose, OC
Dislcaimer: I don't own Doctor Who and it's probably just as well that I don't because it'd be nothing but hugs and hair ruffling for the foreseeable future.
Spoilers: None really. This is set before Doomsday even.
Summary: And it's all here for you, as long as you choose to stay. It's all here for you, as long as you don't fly away.
Author Notes: This story is the result of many things, but primarily too many rotations of the Death Cab for Cutie album Narrow Stairs, an album about the claustrophobia of growing up and the comfort of giving in, at least to me anyway. All song lyrics are from there.

Big hugs to my betas

salimali,

tardismate, and

electrictoes. Their love and dedication to this fic astounds me.

coruscamade the lovely header and icon. This chapter is dedicated to

catyuy, who gave me a brilliant idea for the sonic screwdriver.

I cursed myself for being surprised
That this didn’t play like it did in my mind

“Bixby Canyon Bridge”

As soon as Rose left the console room, the Doctor flew around the controls of the TARDIS, sending his ship through the vortex at a breakneck speed. With any luck, he could have the prophecy sorted before the two of them woke up.

He drummed his fingers on the deck anxiously. It had been years since anyone had been on board his ship, and although both of his passengers were asleep, he still felt their presence as if they were standing in the room with him.

He had been stupid, he knew that now. There was nothing he could do to ever keep Rose and Kira completely safe, and the events of the past night had proven that they were likely more safe with him than on their own. He shuddered to think what might have happened if he’d been only a few minutes later.

As for whether he deserved the happiness that having his daughter and the woman he loved would bring, he was ready to move past that. He knew he didn’t deserve it and he didn’t care. He was going to take what he could, glean every drop of happiness he could from whatever time he had left with them.

Of course, knowing Rose, that time was likely limited. She could be right stubborn, especially so when she was angry, and what he’d done this time was unforgivable. He pushed his hands through his hair, tugging at the roots. He wanted to apologise, but didn’t know where to begin. He’d left her alone and pregnant, then hadn’t shown back up until seven years later, and only then when they were in danger. He’d probably never get her back; even if he did, he’d never earn her trust again, and really, he wasn’t worth it.

As the TARDIS neared her destination, he eased up on the accelerator. He wanted to land as gently as possible so as not to wake them; the last thing he needed was either of them barging in and interfering while he took care of things.

He brought her in for the landing, grabbed his coat, and left the ship, his steps long and brisk. He was going to do what needed to be done.

~o~

He returned hours later to a quiet TARDIS. He was bone tired and wanted nothing more than tea, a shower, and then bed. He didn’t want to think about what he had done or how he’d done it. It was over and Kira was safe and that was all that mattered to him.

He shrugged out of his coat and slung it over the railing. Loosening his tie, he trudged to the kitchen. His motions were automatic as he rinsed out the kettle, filled it with water, and set it on the stove. He got out a teabag and put it in his favourite mug. He was just contemplating whether or not it was worth the effort to dig out some biscuits when he heard the sound of little feet coming down the hallway. He looked up and seconds later Kira appeared at the door of the kitchen.

She watched him for a long moment, her eyes giving nothing away, but then a little smile quirked her lips. “Hello,” she said.

“Hello,” he echoed and he couldn’t help his answering smile. It didn’t matter how tired he was, just the sight of his daughter was enough to lift his spirits.

“Would you like some tea?” he asked.

Her smile curved down into a little frown. “Mum only lets me have it if there’s lots of milk.”

He nodded. “Too right, your mum. How about some very milky tea, then?” he asked.

She came over to stand by him. “Do you have biscuits?” she asked. “Chocolate ones?”

Well, that solved that conundrum. “I think so. Let me look.” He opened one of the top cabinets and began to shift things around.

“I’ll help,” Kira said. She bent down to look in one of the bottom cabinets.

“Is your mum still asleep?” he asked. He tried to ignore how happy it made him to have Kira in his kitchen, how he could pretend that she and Rose lived on the TARDIS with him, and this was a normal morning for them.

“Yeah,” she replied, her voice muffled.

He looked down and saw that she was halfway in the cabinet, only her little legs and feet sticking out. He smiled at the way she’d made herself right at home on his ship. Moments later she re-emerged, proudly flaunting a box of chocolate biscuits.

“Found them,” she said, skipping over to the table and setting them down.

“How are your feet?” he asked.

“Okay I guess.” She lifted her shoulders until they almost touched the tips of her ears and he tried not to laugh at the gesture.

“Let’s have a look then.” He joined her at the table and patted the tabletop. “Up you get.”

She scrambled up and watched him as he rummaged around in his pockets, finally pulling out the sonic screwdriver.

“What’s that?” she asked quietly.

He looked up and noticed the wary look in her eyes. “Don’t worry,” he said, giving her nose a tap. “It’s not going to hurt you. I’m just going to shine a light on your skin and it’ll tell me if it’s healed. Just like if I shined a torch on your foot.”

She visibly relaxed and giggled. “Why would you want to do that?”

He gave her a mock frown. “Well, I don’t know. Did anyone ever tell you that you ask too many questions?”

She nodded and didn’t look at all like she’d taken his comment as an insult. “My mum says that all the time. But she said I should never stop asking them.”

He rubbed his thumb along the sonic, adjusting the setting. “Your mum is a brilliant woman, Kira. She always asks the right questions.”

“What’s that mean?” she asked.

He clucked his tongue at her and knelt down so that he could see the bottoms of her feet better. He scanned the light over each of her feet carefully, checking for even the tiniest cut or foreign object. He was giving her left foot one last look when she impatiently yanked it out of his hand.

“My feet don’t hurt,” she said. The eyes that glared at him looked exactly like his, but the rebellious look she was giving him was all her mother’s.

“Very well, then. I think you’re cured, Kira Tyler.” He stood up and helped her down from the table. “Ooh, the water’s boiling.”

He ambled over to the kettle, Kira trailing close behind him. “What was that thing you used to check my foot?” she demanded. “Was it some kind of alien doctor tool?”

“What?” he asked. “No, the sonic screwdriver is so much more than that.”

She was stretching up on her tiptoes, trying to reach one of the mugs in the drain, but she paused. “Did you say screwdriver?”

He sighed. “Yes, I said screwdriver. And yes, it’s sonic. Go ahead, make fun. I’ll wait.” He reached over and handed her a mug.

She grabbed a teabag from the tin and dropped it into the mug. “I think it’s brilliant,” she said. “I have tons of screwdrivers. I use them all the time.” She was looking at him with honest brown eyes and his hearts melted.

“You have screwdrivers?” he whispered.

She shook her head at him, obviously not understanding the importance of it all. “Of course. I have lots of tools. The screwdrivers are my favourite, though, especially my pink one that Mum bought me last year when I didn’t cry at school. I use them to take apart stuff. That drives Mum mad, too, so she buys me my own stuff so I don’t take apart the stuff we have to use.”

She paused to catch her breath and it was all he could do not to lift her and swing her around. He’d known that his daughter was great, but now, after talking to her, he realized that she was...wonderful. He was going to have to do everything he could to convince Rose to let him be a part of their life.

He poured the water into the mugs, then turned to Kira. “The sonic screwdriver is so much more than an ordinary screwdriver. Sure, it can take apart things with screws, but it can do so much more than that. Watch.” He grabbed the sonic from where he’d discarded it on the counter and flicked to another setting. He aimed it at the door and it slammed closed, locking it.

He looked back to Kira. Her eyes were as wide as saucers. “How’d you do that?” she breathed.

He arched an eyebrow and grinned at her. “Would you believe me if I told you it was magic?”

She frowned and crossed her arms in front of her chest. “No.”

“Okay, then. Science.” He unlocked and opened the door again, then spun the sonic between his fingers in what he thought was a graceful move, but it got the better of him and he almost dropped it.

“Can I hold it?” she asked.

He looked down at her, regarding her warily. “Well,” he started.

“You just almost dropped it,” she pointed out helpfully.

“You’re right,” he agreed cheerfully. “Here you go then.” He knelt down and placed it in her hands. “Be careful with it. They don’t grow on trees.”

She nodded and cradled it in her hands like it actually was a magical object. “Can I make it do something?” she asked.

“Sure.” He took it back from her and adjusted the setting. “This is setting 638-B2945.”

“What’s that do?” she asked.

He put it back in her hand, wrapping her fingers around it so that she could access the button. “It makes it into a torch.”

She pressed the button and a blue light shone from the end. She didn’t look impressed. “Can it do anything more exciting?”

He rolled his eyes at her. “You and your mum, carved from the same stone,” he muttered, standing up. “Give me two tics.”

He began digging through the cabinets again while Kira shined the sonic on everything the kitchen had to offer. He turned back to her, clutching a packet of popcorn. “Get a chair so you can see,” he said, nodding toward the table. She ran over to the table and dragged a chair back to the counter while he grabbed a bowl and poured the kernels into it.

She climbed up onto the chair. He adjusted the setting again. “Are you ready?” he asked.

Her eyebrows rose in a mischievous arch and he smiled at how much she looked like him. “Oh yes,” she said.

He put the sonic in her hand and showed her how to aim it at the bowl. “Go ahead.”

She let out a little giggle and pushed the button, laughing harder as the kernels puffed up into a bowlful of plump yellow popcorn.

“Brilliant,” she said, grinning at him.

He matched her grin. “I know, right?”

She grabbed a handful of the popcorn and stuffed it in her mouth. She turned around in the chair and leaned against the counter, chewing thoughtfully. “You know, I bet I could do a lot with that on my toaster project.”

He grabbed some popcorn and mirrored her stance. “You have a toaster project?”

She nodded eagerly. “Yes, Ben and I are going to modify Mum’s toaster so that it makes the perfect toast. We’re going to use parts from some of my broken toasters and some other stuff. This screwdriver would make it go a lot faster.”

He tossed a bite into his mouth absently. “I could make you one, if you want.”

“A sonic screwdriver?” she asked incredulously.

He staggered under the surge of joy he felt at making her happy. “Yes. Your very own. Without the dangerous settings, of course.”

She nodded seriously. “You’d really do that for me?”

“Of course,” he said. “It’ll take me a while, but yeah, I can do it.”

She threw her arms around him and gave him a quick but fierce hug. He patted her back, not sure how to react. “Thank you,” she said, then turned back to the popcorn. “I think the tea’s done.” Her mouth was so full he almost didn’t understand her.

He nodded and set about doctoring the tea, adding several spoons of sugar to both his and Kira’s mugs and lots of milk to Kira’s. Taking up a mug in each hand, he headed for the table. Kira followed.

“Is this really a spaceship? Because it doesn’t look like a spaceship.” she asked, taking the seat across from him and pulling her mug of tea towards her.

“And I don’t look like an alien.” He passed her the box of biscuits. “I think that you are learning today, Kira Tyler, that things are not always like you think. This really is a spaceship.” He gestured around them. “She can go anywhere you want, forward, backward, diagonally even. The best ship in the universe, the TARDIS.”

Kira nodded solemnly. “TARDIS,” she said, rolling the word around on her tongue. “I like that word.”

“It’s a good word,” he agreed. “It means Time and Relative Dimension in Space. One day when you’re older, I’ll explain what that means.”

She took a bite of her biscuit, crunching loudly. “Can you really take us to another planet?”

“Of course,” he replied, spraying crumbs across the table. Kira giggled. “I can take you to any planet you like. Well, except for Dintinikrip. They don’t allow little girls there.”

“Why not?” she asked, taking a sip of her tea.

He shrugged. “Who knows? Maybe one of you did something to offend them there. Or maybe you’re poisonous.”

“I’m not poisonous,” she said, pouting her lip.

“Of course you’re not,” he said. “I was just making a guess. A wrong one, obviously.” He reached across the table and gave her an awkward pat on the head. “I’m sorry. You’re perfect and not poisonous at all.” Nine hundred years and he still had trouble with women, no matter how old.

Kira ate the rest of her biscuit, but said nothing. He still wasn’t sure if she’d forgiven him or not.

“Do you think you could take me somewhere?” she finally asked and he breathed a sigh of relief.

“Oh absolutely,” he said around his bite of biscuit. “That’s if your mother says it’s okay.”

“What’s okay?” Rose asked, and both he and Kira turned to see her standing in the doorway.

Rose was looking from him to Kira. She was still barefoot and still in her pyjamas, her hair rumpled from sleep.

He opened and closed his mouth, trying to think of something innocuous to say, but nothing would come.

“Hi, Mum,” Kira said as if nothing out of the ordinary was going on, as if the two of them always shared tea while Rose slept.

“Hi, love,” Rose replied, holding out her arms and Kira ran to her. She swept her up and held her tightly, kissing the top of her head. She was obviously still shaken by what had happened the night before.

“Mum,” Kira exclaimed. “You’ll never guess what.”

Rose pulled back a bit and settled Kira on her hip. “I bet I never will,” she said with a grin.

“The Doctor is going to make me a screwdriver like his.” Kira gripped Rose’s shoulders. “And, he’s going to take us to another planet.”

“Is he now?” Rose asked, looking over Kira’s shoulder at the Doctor. She raised an eyebrow at him.

He faltered. “Well, we were just talking. And I said that we’d only do it if you didn’t mind, of course.”

“Of course,” Rose said, her voice clipped. She set Kira down and came over to the table. She took a sip of her daughter’s tea and snagged a biscuit from the box.

“Mum?” Kira asked hesitantly, tugging at Rose’s hand. “The Doctor can still make my screwdriver right?”

Rose combed her fingers through her daughter’s hair. “Yes, if he has time. We’re going to be heading back home soon.”

Kira frowned. “I thought we were going to another planet.”

Rose took another sip of the milky tea. “Not today, love.” She turned to the Doctor. “Does the wardrobe have anything that will fit her?”

He nodded. “Yeah, I’ll ask the TARDIS to lay some clothes out.”

Rose kept her face blank and turned back to Kira. “Why don’t you go and change out of your jimjams, yeah?”

The Doctor pointed. “If you go out of the kitchen and down that hallway, you’ll see the wardrobe. It’s a big room, full of clothes.”

“I know what a wardrobe is,” Kira said with a grin. She turned and left the room.

“A bit cheeky, that one is,” the Doctor said, taking a sip of his tea.

“Oh yes,” Rose commented. “Nothing but sass.” She moved over to the work surface and refilled the kettle. “Do you mind?” She gestured at the tin of tea.

“Go right ahead,” he said, offering her a cautious smile. She didn’t smile back, but she didn’t frown either, and he decided to take it as progress. There was so much he wanted to tell her his tongue practically itched. He wanted to gush about Kira, about every incredible thing she’d said and done in the short time he’d known her. But Rose already knew how brilliant their daughter was. She could probably talk circles around him on that subject.

She joined him at the table. “You shouldn’t go filling her head with promises,” she said quietly. “It’s not fair for her to get hurt in all this.”

He raised an eyebrow in confusion. “What do you mean?”

She laid her palms down on the table. “I mean that she’s going to fall in love with you. How can she help it? And you’re going to leave her. She’s my little girl. She doesn’t deserve that type of pain.”

He watched as one of the tears shimmering in her eyes trickled down her cheek. He wished she would let him hold her, let him fix this.

She brushed the tear away and finally met his eyes. “You need to take us home.” Her tone was quiet but firm.

His hearts sank. He knew this was coming, knew that she’d want to go back, but he’d hoped to hold off on it for a day or two at least. “Why?” he asked.

She levelled him with a look. “Our life is there. Things were finally starting to get better.”

He frowned. “How do you mean? What was wrong?” They’d always seemed pretty happy when he watched them.

She let out a long sigh, like she didn’t feel like sharing with him, but was going to because he was making her. “Kira has had some trouble at school. She didn’t have friends. But she just met Ben, and they get on great.”

“But what about me?” The words had tumbled out of his mouth before he realised that he didn’t have the right to ask them.

Rose pushed her chair back from the table and stood up angrily. “What about you? You left us. You don’t get a say in our lives anymore.”

He closed his eyes for a moment and rubbed at the back of his neck. “I’m sorry, Rose. I don’t know what else to say. I made a stupid mistake.”

She didn’t even respond to that, just went to the kettle and took it off the range, slamming it down on the work surface with a little too much force. She took a mug down and opened the tin, then threw a teabag in the mug. She poured the water over it so quickly that it sloshed over the side and burned her fingers. “Fuck,” she hissed.

“Rose,” he murmured, easing himself out of his chair and taking a few cautious steps toward her. “I know that you’re mad and you have every right to be. What I did was awful and I can’t even begin to imagine what you went through.” He inched closer until he was standing beside her. “Are you going to shut me out of her life forever? Will that make it better?”

She didn’t turn to face him, just braced her hands against the work surface and let her head fall forward. Her shoulders shook a little.

He felt tears building in his own eyes. He’d never meant to hurt her so badly. Now he felt helpless. There was nothing he could do or say to fix this and she might never trust him again. He reached out a tentative hand and touched her shoulder.

She jerked away from his touch. “No,” she hissed. “It’s not going to go away, just like that. I know that you’re her father, but I can’t let you into her life only to have you disappear. I have to protect her.”

The sound of a little gasp came from behind him. Both he and Rose whirled around. Kira was standing at the door, looking lost and confused.

Seven